Something I Wrote Fifteen Years Ago

 

I found this document that I wrote in 2007.  It is still just as appropriate today as it was then, so I will share it here. 

          A little over three and a half years ago, I began a journey I never asked for.  During what was meant to be a fairly routine Dr. visit, events were put into motion that changed my life forever.  Within two weeks, I was given a diagnosis with a long convoluted name that basically means I have cancer.  Because of the location and number of tumors, it is inoperable and incurable.  This is not to say I have no hope—I can live with this for many years.  But it has changed my life.

 

          During the week between hearing the words, “you have a mass,” and having the biopsy, there was a great deal of fear—because there was too much I didn't know.  One night I awoke in the middle of the night and was unable to go back to sleep.  While I lay there, I heard the words, “I will keep in perfect peace whose mind is staid on me” whisper through my mind over and over again until I was lulled back into sleep.  When I awoke the next morning, I grabbed my Strong's Exhausting Concordance and found these words in Isaiah 26:3:  “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast on You, because he trusts in You.” To say that my fear was gone would be an overstatement, but it was tempered with the peace of knowing whose hands held the control.

 

          This has changed my life in so many ways—beyond the impact on my family and my daily routine.  This has given me a chance to grow.  It is an opportunity that cannot be wasted.

 

          In 1 Thessalonians 5:18 it says to be thankful in all things.  I have been able to be thankful IN my circumstances.  I am able to see things daily to be thankful for.  My heart is more readily burdened to pray.  I've been given opportunities to reach out in my own meager way and to be reached.  I've been granted time to learn and to grow.

 

          Through my learning, I came across something that has made a huge difference in my thinking.  “When all kinds of trials and temptations crowd into your lives, don't resent them as intruders, but welcome them as friends!  Realize that they come tom test your faith and to produce in you the quality of endurance.  But let the process go on until that endurance is fully developed and you will find you have become a person of mature character.”  (James 1:2-5 Phillips)

 

          This is a conscious choice I make so that I can say:

1. It is sent from the Lord
2. It is necessary for my spiritual growth.

 

          Finding this particular wording and these specific thoughts became an “Ah-Ha!” moment for me.  The lights came on, the elevator rose all the way to the top, all my cards were in my deck, and my bricks were a full load.

 

          I UNDERSTOOD!  There probably isn't a person here who hasn't at least heard Jeremiah 29:11:  “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”  And I knew that.  And I am not trying to say I understand having cancer—beyond the fact that this is a fallen world, there is no real explanation for cancer or a whole host of other diseases.  I am not saying that I understand why God allows things to happen to His people—it is not for me to say.  But what I do understand is that God will use this for my good:

1. to perfect my faith
2. to give me spiritual maturity
3. to allow me to minister to someone else with the same or similar debilitations
4. for other benefits beyond my fathom, because I am still peering through a mirror darkly.

I've been able to thank God for many things since I began this journey, but now with this new understanding, I can finally say, “Thank you, God, I have cancer.  I don't understand it and I don't have to.  It can and will do me good—if I let it.  So I ask that you continue to work in my heart so that I am open for whatever You plan for me.  In all this I have come to the settled resolve that everything I believe about You is true.”  Amen.

 Heavenly Father, you are the sovereign Lord of all things, and you are the Lord of my life.  I praise You because You are God and I am not.  Here and now I confess my total dependence on You for all things.  Thank you for the gift of free grace in Jesus Christ.  All that You demand and all that I need I find in Him.  Grant me a grateful heart and a generous spirit toward others.  Teach me to seek first Your Kingdom above all things.  Help me to believe so that I might obey even when I do not see all things clearly.  Thank you for giving meaning and purpose in the darkest moments of life.  I believe that weeping endures for the night, but joy comes in the morning.  Teach me to rejoice while I wait for the fulfillment of all You have promised.  You have not brought me here to leave me alone now.  It is only by Your grace that I have come this far; by Your grace I will go forward.  Equip me now to do Your will.  Bring me to a settled resolve that everything I have believed about God is true.   In the strong name of Jesus, I pray these things. Amen  (from He's God and We're Not by Ray Pritchard)